Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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