any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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