This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
