i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
