I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My life is pants optional.
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