Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
