He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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