Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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