Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
