Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize