My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
