dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
