I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
