She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Randomize
