you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
