oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorry my hands just texted you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
