So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can I color on your dick again?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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