Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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