The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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