I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
