I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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