did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
