I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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