WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
