yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
