I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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