I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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