maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
