Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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