i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
cat food counts as protein by the way
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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