So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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