why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
