Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
