Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
