my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
