i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Drunk is not a location!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
