why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
