He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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