hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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