I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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