he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
