I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
