why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
