saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
