____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
