We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
