You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i don't like sucking hair
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
