And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Let the clothes fall where they may.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize