Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
