Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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