At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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