i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
