apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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