If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
