Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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