I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
