I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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