I only kidnapped one of them. chill
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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