I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
