it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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