Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
