was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
