I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's Friday. Sex?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
