she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
