Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she smelled like a LAN party
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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