Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There's always time for handjobs
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
