Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
