Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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