so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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