Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
