If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
