Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
