I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
barbara walters just said penis...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
