So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
