her vagine was all disorganized.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
