I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
