I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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