i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
