how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
